by Emily Rankin, MAMFT
Adolescents often show their parents the worst parts of themselves because they 1.) Need to see if your love is unconditional, and 2.) Don't necessarily feel safe enough to show that part of them to anyone else. If they're upset about something that's going on with their peers, they'll often take that out on their family because they aren't sure that their friends will love them after the storm has passed. They know that their family will. This can and will be a difficult time for you and them. If your teen is engaging in this type of behavior, invite them to talk with you about what is going on. Even in saying that, it should be noted that parents or guardians are often the last people that adolescents want to talk to about their feelings and/or problems. It doesn’t matter that you know and understand how they feel nor does it matter that you more than likely have an abundance of wisdom on whatever subject they bring up. After all, they are a part of you. But they’re also very different from you and that’s good. The development of autonomy is an important part of adolescence. It’s good to ask questions and to be available to talk with them and to listen, but pushing them to talk to you about their world usually will not bring about the results you are looking for. Ask, and ask often but don’t push. It might be that they're being honest about you actually getting on their nerves. Listen and be respectful. Try to find a compromise.
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