Sign of Attachment Issues

by Alyssa Hasson, MAMFT

In this post we’re going to shift from the internal happenings of the brain to the external symptoms that are associated with attachment disorders. If you suspect that your child has an attachment issue, you can informally assess him by examining the risk factors in his history as well as the behaviors he exhibits.

First, evaluate your child’s early background. By early background, I mean from birth to approximately age 5. Some children can be considered more “at risk” for having difficulty with attachment. This higher risk category includes children who have experienced significant change in their early lives, like those who have lived in foster homes or orphanages, those who have experienced early abuse and neglect, and/or those who have experienced a prolonged separation from their caregiver.

Second, evaluate your child’s behaviors. The list below includes behaviors that are characteristic of children with attachment issues.

• Lying and stealing
• Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
• Power struggles at home
• Resistant to being comforted
• Poor eye contact, except when lying
• Low frustration/tolerance levels
• Excessively inhibited
• Hypervigilance
• Difficulty following verbal instructions
• Cruel behaviors toward self, others, & pets

The manifestation of attachment issues can vary from child to child, and the presence of the above behaviors does not guarantee that a child has attachment issues. Some children with attachment difficulties are diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).

It is not uncommon for children with attachment issues to receive diagnoses other than RAD, such as ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and/or conduct disorder. Many of the behaviors associated with these other diagnoses (like inattention, impulsivity, aggressive or cruel behaviors, stealing, defiance) are also present in a child with attachment issues. Recall that protective states are triggered by any element (like sights, sounds, smells, feelings) that is similar to that which occurred during the trauma. During these times, behaviors may appear willfully defiant, hyperactive, or belligerent; however, they are actually protective in nature. This differentiation is important in order to receive correct diagnosis and treatment.

If you believe that your child has difficulty with attachment, seek help earlier rather than later. Find a therapist who will work both with your child to help heal the wounds of early trauma as well as with your family to help build attachment and provide support.