Bond-Building During the Holidays

by Emily Rankin, MAMFT

The holidays are here and with that comes a multitude of family traditions, emotions, and last but certainly not least, stressors.  One of the things that helps alleviate some of those stressors is participating in bond-building activities.  Most families have their traditional bond-building activities around this time of year.  Some families get together to watch movies, others decorate cookies, -perhaps a team of siblings is responsible for choosing their parents' gifts.  Whatever your traditions may be, these bond-building activities can help reduce some of the stress you might be feeling and increase a sense of warmth, well-being, and togetherness.  As you pull your animal-patterned snuggie tight around you as your favorite Christmas movie begins, or you "accidentally" botch the icing on one of the cookies so it won't get put in the neighbor's goodie-bag, or you hug the relative you haven't seen in a year, endorphins will be released in your brain which will cause those feelings of stress and anxiety go down. 

But what about those of us whose families are changing?  Or when the people we used to have holiday traditions with aren't able, available, or interested in participating this year?  What about those of us who aren't able to afford to do the same things this year that we are used to doing? 

This month, we will be briefly addressing some of those things.  "How to Create Bond-Building Experiences When..... Topics to be covered include: 1.) Things in your family structure have shifted, 2.) Your kids who once loved all of your holiday traditions are now rolling their eyes and putting in their ear buds, 3.) Your schedule is filled to the brim, and 4.) You're low on funds.

How to Create Bond-Building Experiences When Things in Your Family Structure Have Shifted

Families change.  People change.  Kids grow up.  Sometimes family members are lost.  Other times, they're gained.  Whatever your story may be, if your family structure has changed, don't expect for your holiday traditions to remain the same.  This puts unfair expectations on yourself and everyone else involved.  It can set you up for disappointment when you don't get the same feeling you used to get AND it can breed feelings of sadness or resentment toward the departed and/or additional member. 

Instead, take this time to consider your holiday traditions and how you can adapt them to fit your new family structure.  It could be that very few changes will need to be made in order to accommodate the new family structure.  Or, it could be that you'll need to create entirely new family traditions.  Sometimes, this is the best option because it allows you to remember your old traditions with fondness while creating something entirely new.  Take this opportunity to explore your creative side and come up with some fun or funky new traditions.  Your holiday season will be more merry and bright as a result.