Breaking the Teenage Inferiority Cycle … Part 3

by Rebecca Kirk, M.A. MFT&C

Last week we saw how overwhelming and cyclical any inferiority cycle in a person can be, and I’ll address these next two weeks to teenagers out there .  One of the most hopeful and helpful facts that needs to be internalized and felt is the recognition of feeling alone but knowing you, especially a teenager, are not.  The ones who bullied you felt or feel more alone than you.  The most popular girl in your school or the most talented athlete also feels inadequate and alone in these feelings of shame known by other names. Whether it is feeling you are stupid and continuing in a negative cycle that makes you feel more stupid or whether you feel like the poorest kid who will never have the name brand clothes, you are NOT alone.  People just do not talk about their feelings of inferiority because they fear they are alone and voicing them would further prove that point.  Also, admitting that you have a low self-image, may make you feel like more of a loser or too emotional.  You feel that way possibly, but your head knows that stuffing emotions can only run so deep before there is no more room.  Like a pressure cooker, stuffed emotions explode on the people we want them to the least.  This is one reason why so many young adults finally find their knight in shining armor, but cannot make themselves feel happy, appreciative, or trusting in them (just like Sydney when she responded out of fear as opposed to trust).

Working through a few things can help break the negative inferiority cycle!

How to build a positive cycle of success:

(Cycle numbered below is quoted and adapted from Dr. James Dobson’s Preparing for Adolescence.)

                   

1. Admit you have been hurt, and those inner scars need to be removed.
2. Know you are not alone in your pain and that it is more common than uncommon.   (It takes more courage to admit the pain because it is scary to face our past scars.)
3. Compensate for your weaknesses.
4. Make genuine friends.

Admitting the pain of the past and desiring to fight it with the hope that you are not alone are the first two essentials to starting the process of recovery.  Just as the pain and layers of wounds were a process, healing is a process too. 

With an insightful person, you should explore your strengths and weaknesses, so you can build upon the good and feel less insecure about the bad.  This includes identifying hobbies and talents that interest you or you have been commended for, and it also includes giving voice to your insecurities, which are school subjects, sports, musical aptitudes, etc. that seem to give you more trouble.  Unfortunately, this step listed as #3 above taps into one of your most cyclic patterns of negativity.  For instance, in order for you to know and explore yourself, you have to be okay with not fitting the cookie cutter mold of others.  Even more so, you have to be courageous enough to pursue your successes in front of others though you may fear rejection of the past voices you may hear the loudest.  This is why working on this with a trustworthy and healthy older person can help counterbalance those insecurities.  Making genuine friends will be discussed next week since it is the hardest obstacle to tackle for most.