by Rebecca Kirk, M.A. MFT&C
Are you concerned that your daughter or son does not fit in with his or her classmates and appears to not be involved or included in class activities? Is your daughter shy and withdrawn? Maybe you've experienced these feelings too as an adolescent and have the battle scars to prove it. If so, you'll understand more than others why it is important to seek out a mentor or a therapist to nip these feelings in the bud and have a healthy, happy teenager who will progress into adult life with confidence and self-esteem.
A potent question for anything is “how long does it last?” Whether this involves the star position on a favorite team, a golden romance, or a rocky road of loneliness, everyone faces the dilemma of time’s restraint. One of the biggest challenges teenagers face is feeling inferior. The blessing and the curse from this natural struggle is that if one works on this tension during one’s youth, the tendency for it to affect them more greatly as an adult is reduced. Also, if one feels better temporarily, but does not address the internal turmoil of feeling inadequate, rejected, or ashamed, this imprint will also leave a heavier mark throughout adulthood.
Unfortunately, avoiding most ridicule is impossible and most keenly felt as a teenager. When this happens as a teenager, life can feel very depressing, devastating, and cold. In Dr. James Dobson’s book Preparing for Adolescence, he indicates that seventh and eighth grades are most painfully remembered for feelings of inferiority. Though you and your child may be a teenager well beyond junior high, we remember experiences that deeply affect us and continue to affect us.
Teenagers feel things more strongly and intensely than others, which is a blessing that stokes their creativity and is meant to drive their search for their autonomous self; however, it is also the catalyst that makes their pain more keenly felt and more deeply devastating. Dr. Dobson states that the three highest valued attributes in our society are “beauty, intelligence, and money. “ When teenagers feel this inferiority, it is very harsh. The first step in overcoming these intense emotions is to realize they won’t last forever. Also, if they are realized and addressed, the power of their memory won’t paralyze them throughout college and later. During this month, I’ll be speaking to teenagers and their parents at different times to help explain the hated cycles and solutions that can hold us all down. Join me next week to discover more.
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