Routine Play?

by Alyssa Hasson, MAMFT

Over the past two weeks, we’ve detailed the beginning steps to using play in parenting. Remember that using play in parenting is a great way, perhaps even the best way, to improve your relationship with your child. A strong parent-child relationship means less struggles and more fun and enjoyment. Establish some routine, step three, is the focus for today.

What in the world is routine play? Don’t worry, it’s not as boring as it sounds! Routine play is something that happens routinely; ideally daily, for approximately 15 minutes each day. Fifteen minutes of your day equates to approximately 1/56 of your waking time each day, yet this small amount of time can have a significant impact on your relationship with your child. This intentional daily play is the building block for a great relationship because it means that you are taking the time to speak your child’s language every day.

Here are some guidelines for establishing routine play in your home.

• Set aside distractions. Turn off the computer and tv, and set aside your iphone. Don’t answer calls or allow interruptions during these 15 minutes. Your child is the priority!
• Give each child a turn. Allot 15 minutes/day per child so that each child has gets to experience a share of your undivided attention.
• Consider your child’s age. Babies and young toddlers may not have the attention span for 15 uninterrupted minutes of play. Break up this time into smaller segments and spread them throughout the day or afternoon.
• Keep the commitment. Never make routine play contingent on behavior. It can be tempting to withhold your play time because your child has behaved poorly on a given day, but this is not wise. Routine play times are special because they demonstrate your desire to know and relate to your child, something that should not fluctuate due to behavior. Handle poor behavior through other means (natural consequences, time in, etc), but always keep the commitment to routine play.
• Play early. Don’t use the last 15 minutes of your child’s day, when he is tired and not in peak shape, for routine play. When possible, schedule your routine play early in the day. Playing early in the day is like eating a healthy breakfast: it sets the tone for your day.
• Let your child lead the play and give you direction. Your role during routine play is to tune into your child. Let your child know that you are tuned in by getting on his level, positioning your body toward him, verbalizing his actions and reflecting his words.
• Get the whole family involved. Think about routine play on a bigger scale. Consider establishing a weekly family game night, art night, or dance party night. Be creative! Your child will look forward to such nights with anticipation! 

Take some time this week to think about and begin establishing routine play in your home.